A very good day...

Hi all-
Somedays one can't help but smile. Today has been one of those days for me. Which is something I am truly grateful for, as it has been a rather long semester and a rough few weeks. So what made today so lovely? Well for starters, I showed up to my Hebrew Section, which was a good thing because only 3 of us from my section did, and the prof. noticed. (Which, also, once I got out of class, it also meant that now I have only one week of classes remaining, which is the biggest reason I am all smiles today)... After that, I went and worked out (cardio/weights) for the first time in a couple of weeks at the gym, which felt good to do (the Tri is in 2 weeks!!). I also caught up with two of my closest friends back in NC today (I am calling you tomorrow Goat) and I also went swimming in the very cold but very nice 200 meter length Barton Springs pool, saw the movie "Disturbia" and wound up playing 3 hours of kickball. We scrimaged the first hour against the other team in first place (both of our teams have only lost once) and then the next set of teams needed a couple of ladies to play, so I obliged and had a lot of fun playing with them, and then our team played and finished the season off nicely. It was a very good day. A lot of good wholesome clean fun- which is always appreciated by the likes of me.
3 Weeks till I fly back to NC!!!
Take care,
Carrie

Monday Musings...

Hi all-
So the Rolling Stones' "Can't Always Get What You Want" is playing in the back ground and it made me think of two things, one- seeing them with my mom back in 2005, and also how very true it is to say that you can't always get what you want...

I spent this past weekend dog sitting, and I think I somehow volunteered to cat sit the month of June when a friend of mine heads to Africa... I guess I am getting my "pet fill" with out having to actually have a pet. It's kind of cool I guess. I did notice whenever I took Ruby (that's the dog I was watching) out for walks, that a lot more random people talked to me. Austin is a pretty dog friendly town.

So we are in the two week countdown till the end of lectures- God bless it. I will be registering this week for my classes next fall and for the January trip to Indonesia. I know that I am going to be taking Pastoral Counseling, Greek Exegesis, and World Religions next fall, but I can't decide what to take for my fourth class. With teachers' sabatacles and the school being on the small side, it's hard to decide which classes to take when.

Well, I am tired, so I think that I will stop the ramble here before I get in too deep of thought, which as you all know too well, is something I tend to do.

Peace and grace to you all. -Carrie

In the Silence

So I thought I would do something different, and to that end, I am posting below the sermon I preached in class today (err... technically yesterday) and see what you think... Take care all. C

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In the Silence

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Prayer for Illumination:

Powerful and Humble Lord-
The thunder claps, the river roars and even the winds whisper your praises. We ask that you quiet the voices within so that we may hear Your word in the message given here today. May you continue to challenge us to seek You out in all that we do and in all that we are and may You hold us ever close to you. In the name of our risen Savior, Jesus, we ask all these things. Amen.

Elijah the Prophet became a conqueror. He defeated the prophets of Baal and the Israelite people fell and worshiped the Lord. He is at the top of his game. And then Jezebel- upset with the defeat, threatens to kill Elijah and so Elijah flees for his life to Mt.Sinai, on the brink of giving up- this is where we find him in the passage today. Listen friends, to the word of the Lord:

1st Kings 19:9-13a

At that place he came to a cave, and spent the night there. Then the word of the LORD came to him, saying, "What are you doing here, Elijah?" 10 He answered, "I have been very zealous for the LORD, the God of hosts; for the Israelites have forsaken your covenant, thrown down your altars, and killed your prophets with the sword. I alone am left, and they are seeking my life, to take it away." 11 He said, "Go out and stand on the mountain before the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by." Now there was a great wind, so strong that it was splitting mountains and breaking rocks in pieces before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake; 12 and after the earthquake a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire; and after the fire a sound of sheer silence. 13 When Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his mantle and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave.
The Word of God for the People of God

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In January, 1986 my fourth grade class was caught up in the excitement of outer space. Over Christmas vacation I had even gotten to go to the Kennedy Space Center in Florida. With the upcoming launch of the 25th space mission I was overly enthusiastic. We all were. They were going to launch a teacher into space and she was going to teach lessons from the space ship. This was a big deal- the first “ordinary” person getting to see the world from a completely different perspective. Christa McAuliffe was chosen among 11,000 applicants, her selection was very coveted. When January 28th finally arrived, and I was given the choice of having recess outside or watching the Challenger take off, it was a no-brainer for me. Along with several of my classmates, we sat glued to the television set, counting down with the announcer, waiting, watching, wondering what it must be like to be in that shuttle. Seventy three seconds later, there was a burst of smoke and light and then… silence.[1]

For almost thirty seconds, no one said anything- not mission control, not the television announcer, none of us kids, just the cameras panning the sky searching amongst the smoke for where the Challenger went. Wonderment turned to rising fear and panic, and the silence became palpable. After the briefest of moments, the noise returned, the announcers began speculating what happened, mission control confirmed what we had begun to fear and the crowds that had gathered to watch the launch began clamoring. But in those few seconds, before the commotion found it’s voice, there was silence. A silence so utterly still and quiet that it fills your being and in that utterness, it becomes louder and more powerful than anything one has ever heard. That silence permeates this story of Elijah.

Elijah was a prophet in the middle of the 9th Century, BCE when Ahab and Jezebel ruled over the Hebrews. Jezebel had a love for the Phoenician gods and encouraged the people to worship these pagan deities. The Bible condemns Ahab as the wickedest of the Hebrew Kings because he allowed this worship.[2] So, when Elijah ordered the killing of Jezebel’s priests she was angered and intended to kill him. While he was fleeing for his life he became desolate and jealous. When we find Elijah in verse ten lamenting the people of Israel- it is almost as if he had forgotten what he had just accomplished with the people. Perhaps, because he was still on the run, he felt that the people of Israel had forsaken him (as one of the commentaries suggest), perhaps simply Elijah was tired and scared, nevertheless, we find Elijah at the lowest place emotionally in his life. It is in great contrast to just a chapter before when he was so assured of himself that he was even taunting the prophets of Baal on Mount Carmel.

But in our story, we find Elijah at another mountain, Mount Sinai. This too is a sacred place. It is here, at this very cave that Moses was given the ten commandments and also where Moses was shown the presence of God when the Israelites were in the wilderness.[3] Moses and Elijah share that bond of having experienced some presence of the Lord. (As an aside, they are again called upon later to share in the presence of the Lord when they appeared before Jesus during his transfiguration). In many ways, Elijah’s story parallels that of Moses’ and I think it is no small coincidence that this is the place Elijah finds himself waiting on the Lord.

Time and time again we find the people of the Old Testament seeking for signs of the miraculous in order to believe in God. Think about it, the parting of the Red Sea- God is for the people, but then, after months and years in the wilderness, they forget the wonders, they forget their faith and claim God is not with them. There are stories throughout the Old Testament that show the Israelites constantly at struggle with their identity in and through God. When God shows God’s glory and power the people return to God and repent. They worship the Lord and proclaim God’s majesty. It’s almost as if they can’t simply hold onto the memory long enough to live in that reality. With Elijah and the Israelites, it was no different. In chapter 18, it took the Lord sending a powerful fire consuming the water saturated altar and bull in order for them to “see” that the Lord our God, is the true Lord. It was only then they fell to worship God. Again, God had to show the miraculous power of God in order for the people to repent.

I suppose in some ways, we are like those people of the Old Testament times today too. Some of us are just looking for the all and powerful God to show us a sign of might- something God does, something miraculous that we simply cannot doubt God’s existence. Or some of us are at the other extreme, some of us have these “mountain top” experiences, you know the type- when you are at a retreat or worship experience that seems to move you to your very core, God has touched your being and you leave feeling refreshed, refilled, energized to serve the Lord, only to go home and get caught back up again in the day- to- day of life and that zest for God that burned in you so strongly just a day or two before, fades quickly into a memory. If we can only experience the power of God every day- see a sign of wonder, have that mountain top experience then we can proclaim boldly our belief in all that we do. Sound familiar?

It seems only natural then, that when Elijah is told to expect the presence of the Lord, he is looking for something mighty and wonderful. Imagine his surprise when this incredible wind came through, strong enough to break the rocks and even to split the mountains (in my mind I visualize a tornado like force, spiraling powerful wind) and yet, God did not reveal His presence in this wind. And then, the earth shook, and not just a tremor, but an earth quake and still God’s presence was not revealed to Elijah. Following the quake we are told there was a fire. We are given no description of what the fire was like but I imagine if it is following a tornado or gale force wind and following an earthquake, it was no flash in the sky- it had to be raging. And while God revealed God’s presence in the fire before to Elijah, God was not in the fire. No, it was only after all these phenomena that God appeared to Elijah in the sound of sheer silence.

The silence was deafening, so much so, that Elijah had to cover his face in order to stand on the rock and witness it. Everyone here in this room today knows something of that silence. The type of silence that follows the aftermath of destruction, and sometimes, silence comes with death. Just yesterday, in the beautiful mountains of the Shenandoah Valley, a school, our nation, was rocked by the gunfire that claimed the lives of 33 people at Virginia Tech. As the students and teachers and other staff were in lock-down immediately following the shootings, they waited in silence. And then, when they were allowed to leave, in that silence, many of them found their ways to each other, to the chapels and the churches and came to God in prayer and need.

You see, even in this silence, it is not the final word. We are a resurrection people, and we celebrate the works and deeds of a risen Lord who defeated death and no matter what silence may find us or the silence we may make for ourselves, we know that God is still not through with this world. And there is hope in that reality.

Silence is profound. The silence is transformational. Moses experienced that, Elijah experienced it, we too can experience it. Moses, after witnessing the presence of the Lord on Mt. Sinai was presented with the second set of commandments and the people obeyed, for a while at least, until the noise of their lives got in the way. After Elijah experienced the presence of the Lord, he came down from the mountain and went on to anoint the next set of kings and his successor, Elisha. He was renewed with vigor in his ministry.

Friends, you know as well as I do that in the life of ministry we experience all kinds of silence. Whether your silence comes in the shape of doubt, of pain, of anger, of burn-out or even it comes in the shape of death; know that God is there, in the silence, being present, being with us. Find God in the silence. God is there. And God is in the day- to- day, when those mountain top experiences have faded away. God is still there. When you find yourself at a lost for words to comfort those who seem engulfed in the silence, God is still there.

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Let the silence be transformational for you as well. There are going to be times in all of our ministry lives that God will seem so far away. In those days, when you can’t seem to “see’ God, hold on tightly to the memory of God’s presence, and be open to the silence. Live and love God’s people everyday as if you just witnessed a magnificent sign of wonder, as if you just came down from the mountain, as if you believed in the resurrection. Because the world is always yelling at us for it's attention and sometimes God is silent. And there's power in that silence. So, praise God with trumpets and song, for sure. But praise God in the silence too. Because even there, God is lifting us up, holding us tightly in God’s presence. Amen.

[1] The facts come from the Space.com website, also linked at the site are audio clips of the Challenger, the story is mine though, my nine year old memories blended in with the information.
[2] Comay, Joan. Who’s Who in the Bible. New York: Bonanza Books, 1980. p110
[3] Exodus 31-33

the theology of Van Morrison

"Sometimes We Cry"
Sometimes we know, sometimes we don't
Sometimes we give, sometimes we won't
Sometimes we're strong, sometimes we're wrong
Sometimes we cry
Sometimes it's bad when the going gets tough
When we look in the mirror and we want to give up
Sometimes we don't even think we'll try
Sometimes we cry
Well we're gonna have to sit down and think it right through
If we're only human what more can we do
The only thing to do is eat humble pie
Sometimes we cry
'Fore they put me in a jacket, and they take me away
I'm not gonna fake it like Johnnie Ray
Sometimes we live, sometimes we die
Sometimes we cry
Sometimes we can't see anything straight
Sometimes everybody is on the make
Sometimes it's lonely on the lost highway
Sometimes we cry, sometimes we cry
Gonna put me in a jacket, and take me away
I'm not gonna fake it like Johnnie Ray
Sometimes we live, sometimes we die
Sometimes we cry, sometimes we cry
Sometimes we live, sometimes we die
Sometimes we cry, sometimes we cry

Thursday morning-

Last night, on the way back to seminary after watching my first ever NBA game (San Antonio Spurs beating the Sacremento Kings) my friend Tom and I got into a discussion about the Eucharist and its meaning. I should mention that Tom is Catholic, because, part of our discussion revolved arround who is welcome at the table. The conversation I think was sparked by an article I read on line about a bishop who wrote a letter to two of his parishioners telling them they were banned from the table because they got married, and because they were gay. So we talked about the Eucharist and the body of Christ.
I mention this not to spark a debate here on my little website, if you want to know my opinion on the issue, I will be open to that, but mainly, I tell you this, because last night, was the first time in a week that I felt like "me." Somehow, in the midst of that conversation, I felt myself not necessarily "returning back" to my self prior to Kelly's death, but rather, I was able to see myself in light of it. I know that this doesn't make a lot of sense, but I think what I am trying to say, is that in engaging in discussion and thought about the whole body of Christ, has allowed me to move forward.
Here at APTS, I am often reminded about how God is a relational God and that God intends us to be in community, in relationship with all of God's people. Life matters. What we do matters. Not only does it matter, it affects others. There are no actions that we can do, there are no words that we can say, that exist alone and isolated. I hope and pray that we can always remember that.

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Stan Lee, creator of several comic books (ie. Spider Man) once said in the movie Mall Rats, "you keep reading them, I will keep writing them." So, as long as people are willing to read my random ramblings, I will continue to update/write them.

-C

articulation

I cannot begin to properly articulate what these last seven days have been like for me. I don't know what it is that I want to write to those of you who read this little blog. For any words of wisdom or of comfort escape me this evening and I do know that some of you atleast, wish to read those things. I cannot explain why I did not come home for the funeral, (that is to say, that I am choosing not to explain that in this medium atleast). I am still in prayer about so many things...

Instead I will write about something that I experienced today that struck me as odd. I went to the state history musuem with Tom and Allison and I decided to leave before them and further, I decided to walk the 13 blocks back, cutting through UT's campus. (We took the bus downtown). Anyways, as I was walking through the crowds (atleast hundreds) of students who were I can only assume going to/coming from class I was struck by the silence of it all. Some of the students were walking in groups in quiet conversation, and the ocassional person's cell phone conversation would drift into my hearing, but for the most part, the campus, despite being busy, was quiet. So much life to be so quiet- it struck me as odd. And I tried to remember what my undergrad walks to/from class were like and if that was true of UNCW as well, and I could not remember. Some days, no matter the crowds, just feel lonely I guess. Hmmm... it was a nice walk though, and I was glad for the quiet.

I suppose I should try and get some sleep- so good night all (although I do realize that no one will actually read this until tomorrow at the earliest in which case I should say good morning or good afternoon or good evening or whatever)...

it is finished

28After this, when Jesus knew that all was now finished, he said (in order to fulfill the scripture), "I am thirsty." 29A jar full of sour wine was standing there. So they put a sponge full of the wine on a branch of hyssop and held it to his mouth. 30When Jesus had received the wine, he said, "It is finished." Then he bowed his head and gave up his spirit. (John 19:28-30)

Good Friday.
That's what it is called.
Somehow it doesn't seem so good to me today. In fact it seems like anything but good. Today we "celebrate" the death of Christ. We can do this because we know that He defeated death and defeated our hold on sin. In His death we get life.

Today, 1400 miles away is the memorial service for Kelly. It seems fitting in some way that on the darkest day of the Christian life, that this is the day for the service.

Today I grieve silently and alone.
For Kelly, for Jesus, for the world that is filled with pain and suffering. And I cling to the strand of hope that it is never truly finished...

Maundy Thursday

1 Corinthians 11:23-26
23For I received from the Lord what I also handed on to you, that the Lord Jesus on the night when he was betrayed took a loaf of bread, 24and when he had given thanks, he broke it and said, "This is my body that is for you. Do this in remembrance of me." 25In the same way he took the cup also, after supper, saying, "This cup is the new covenant in my blood. Do this, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of me." 26For as often as you eat this bread and drink the cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until he comes.
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My heart is broken for you. Thank God for the resurrection. Thank God that death is not the final straw. Thank God that we were created to be in relationship, in community with one another. Thank God we can remember.


Peace-
C

prayers...

please pray for the family of Kelly Joyner. He died tonight. He's one of my special kids...